Jonathan Byrd

Welcome to the Dark Side!

Jonathan Byrd
Welcome to the Dark Side!

Note: Urban Commando’s thoughts are unedited and 100% true

Most of the time when discussing powerliting, you hear pretty positive things. You hear of other lifters helping strangers at the meets, even helping people they are competing against. While those stories are absolutely true, there is a much darker side to the sport. With nearly 15 years of competitive powerlifting under my belt have met some crazy ass people. Now don’t mistake crazy for unstable. These guys all know what they are doing to themselves, and were willing to pay the cost!

That is pretty much the point of this series of articles. I hope to bring some laugher and maybe even fear into the lives of many of you. See I am going to tell you the true stories of the darker side of powerlifting. Drugs, fights, over the top steroid fueled sex, and the sacrifices lifters have made to reach their goals. To be fair, I have to change the names of the people in the stories. That was part of the deal for me to tell their stories. I am also writing this under a pin name, because let’s be honest we all have real jobs! The people you will hear about these stories are your typical day to day people. They are your salesmen, business owners, managers, construction works, teachers, even a few might be your bosses!

Now steroids are no different than any other drug. There are both positive and negative side effects. Well a big side effect in the use of testosterone is that of increased sex drive. I know lots of you are thinking, “How can that be a bad thing?” Well I will let Pinky explain!

Running 2 grams of test is never a bad idea. Running 2 grams of test while single and with a drinking problem can lead to some interesting experiences. There are places on Plenty of Fish website that you just shouldn't go, but of course I went there and then some. I had a girl message me, and by girl, I mean she had a vagina. I meet her and take her out. We have a good time so we go out again the next night, and again I want to remind you that I was on 2 grams of test! After consuming three pictures of beer while we were bowling and getting smashed I start making out with the heifer. I would have drilled her anyway, but the booze was just to keep me from remembering parts of it! I get her back to her place and I start fucking her. The only positive out of this whole experience is she was a squirter. As I’m in my drunken state wearing it out (fucking whisky dick and cant cum for my life) around the three hour mark she yells “I think I’m in love!” My drunken dumb ass self says I love you to. OH MY GOD! The next day, I’m trying to sleep off a damn hangover, and I’m getting blown up via text every 30 seconds. I agree to go back out with her the following weekend, yeah I am still blaming the test. Again I’m roasted and toasted like a Christmas turkey. Well I’m going down on her, drunk off my ass, but I’m still doing a good job. I look over at my hand and it’s covered in fucking blood! I run to the bathroom and sure as shit this bitch is on the fucking rag. I look like Hannibal Lector with her period blood all over my face. Now keep in mind I’m on 2 grams of test, a little bit of anadrol and a shit load of beer. I didn't wipe my face off, no sir she isn't getting off that easy! I am going to teach that heifer a lesson! I went right up to her and started kissing her and got blood all over her to. I then proceeded to bang it out doggie style; I couldn't stand to see her face out of anger. Then I get that feeling, I’m about to nut. Then it hits me and I pull out and shoot it all over her face thus earning the nickname Pinky. I abruptly quit answering her texts after that night. To be honest I think the crazy bitch liked being covered in her period blood. After that I decided maybe I should lay off the booze a little, and just upped the test!


 Like I said previously, there are some down sides to an increased sex drive! I probably should have also mentioned that Pinky is a crazy bastard who likes heifers! Keep checking back for more stories from the dark side of powerlifting!